


Your Words

by Purplemoon153



Series: Diaries of Youtubers [3]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, Invasion of Privacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 18:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16645577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplemoon153/pseuds/Purplemoon153
Summary: Mark decides to take a peek inside the exchange student who is staying with his family's diary. He is not only shocked by the contents but also in a race against time to find the Irishman who wrote the journal.This is a companion piece to Dear Diary and My Journal.Trigger warnings for abuses of all kinds, self harm, body image issues, and hate speech





	1. 1

Mark was doing laundry when he thought he might do some for the Irish exchange student. He was gathering Sean's laundry when he noticed a shirt between the mattress and the bed frame. He pulled it out, but something fell with it. It was a small journal. Sure, it was an invasion of privacy, but the kid was very secretive. Mark maybe his school's golden boy, but he was still curious about the Irishman with electric lime hair and prefers to be called Jack rather than his given name. Jack isn't even his middle name.

He threw the shirt into the basket and tucked the diary under his arm while he carried the load the laundry room. After starting a load he took the small book up to his room to read. He sat at his desk as he opened up the book to see. 'Property of Sean William McLaughlin, Do Not Touch!' Mark continued on anyway.


	2. 2

So I that I should record what the ever loving fuck is happening to me because I don't know exactly how long I will live.

My name is Sean William McLaughlin and I am in fear for my life. It has been like this for most of my life it is a goddamn miracle I have survived to the ripe old age of thirteen. I live in Athlone, Ireland. I go by Jack because my late mother used to call me that up until she died when I was five. Ever since then my "father" has become abusive, really fucking abusive. It started out verbal then grew to physical and emotional. He has recently taken up sexual abuse. The way he treats me.

Just the other day he pulled my ankle out of its socket. That hurt like hell, but I had to pretend that I was fine or he would do worse. He started sexually abusing me last year around Valentine's day which is a little bit after my birthday. I feel so fucking dirty. 

I writing this so if I end up dead the police will know who fucking murdered me. It would be my guardian.

Sean Deadman McLaughlin.


	3. 3

I am being literally tortured everyday. My guardian has set up a torture room in the storage she'd that he rents. He has racks of knives waterboarding materials poisons, venoms and their antidotes. He also has ropes, lead pipes, assorted guns, pliers, and a shit ton of spare time. He also has a bed in their for the more disturbing activities. I think that I spend ninety percent of my time their during the weekends and summer, but during the school year it is more like twenty percent of the time. 

That doesn't that school is a fucking break by any means. The bullies there decided that I am the one who deserves all of their attention. Not a day goes by that I don't get harassed by them. I end up in lockers more often then not. They often open old wound and pop stitches while they add some new ones. 

I add wounds of my own to my body because what I receive is less than what I deserve. I killed my ma. If she hadn't pushed me out of the way of that car then she would still be living and I would be six feet under. I would anything for it to be me like it was supposed to be. I am responsible I honestly should be tortured for the remainder of my life. I should die soon though. That is just by judging on how often I eat and am injured to the point of passing out. I expect to be dead before my fifteenth birthday.

Sean Walking Corpse McLaughlin


	4. 4

Mark was crying, no openly sobbing at what this small possession held in its pages. The struggles that Jack went through. What kind of sociopathic bastard would do that to anyone, let alone their own flesh and blood. No person should have to go through that especially a child, and he also believed that he deserved everything that thing had done to him. It was heart shattering. 

He was a thirteen year old for God's sake, and it had been going on for years before he even started writing about it. This had been occurring since the age of five and he was what? Seventeen. This was going on for twelve years. Twelve goddamn years that the small Irish bean had endured it and believed he fucking deserved it. What the hell? 

Mark had managed to calm himself down enough to keep reading but he skipped a good chunk of pages. He then started reading the well worn pages that depicted the tragic tale that is Jack's life.


	5. 5

It has been two years to the day from when I started writing this. I was almost certain at the time that my guardian would murder me. I was wrong. He is too careful to actually kill me. Although he could injure me severely and the bullies at school would finish me off. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. 

The bullies are getting more cocky by the day. The teachers of course turn a blind eye to all of this. I am the scrum of the school. They view as literally worse that motherfucking dirt. I am the punching bag of the school. I passed out from blood loss in a locker a little over a week ago. They popped some sutures from a bullet wound that I stitched up. Then they added a new collection of cuts and bruises to my already mangled body. Then to end the session they shoved me in a locker where I proceeded to almost die. 

I am ready. I am so fucking ready to leave this piece of shit world even if I go to Hell for what I did to my ma. I am going to die the anniversary of her death just before I turn eighteen. It is only fitting that I go "before my time" just like she did. It is not like I'd be missed. Honestly my death would be a relief to a shit ton of people. It is not like I would ever even have a soulmate to miss me. A person who kills their ma doesn't deserve a fucking soulmate. 

There is no point in my life, I am just a plague to everyone who has ever come into contact with me. I wish that was never conceived.

Sean Plague McLaughlin


	6. 6

Someone actually noticed that something is off. Honestly that surprised me more than anything that has happened recently. I mean sure I was literally tied up and left outside in the woods by the cabin I live in but that threw me for a fucking loop. I ended up surviving, that is surprising considering the state I am in. The fact that I'm short surprises people, but I grew up malnourished. 

It's been three years since I started documenting my life just in case I was murdered, but now someone actually noticed how off I am. The too skinny body, slight limp, the mysterious bruises and cuts that I just can't hide, and the dark russet stain that show up at least once on every article of clothing I own. Unsurprisingly, it was a brand new teacher, who wasn't accustomed to the way things work around my school. You turn your heads to what the bullies are doing and don't bother with me. They didn't get the memo and began an investigation into my goddamn life, like it is the fucking telly. 

Soon the police showed up at my doorstep, unfortunately at the time I was strung up by my wrists to the ceiling of our old torture chamber/storage unit. My father was the only one at home at the time. He thought that he fooled them pretty good. He didn't know that they tailed him to the unit saw me and took pictures of the grotesque display of what was my everyday life. The entire department was absolutely horrified, like they thought it wasn't warranted.

Soon everyone at school heard, in fact the story and pictures were all over the new in Ireland. My now former guardians arrested and put in prison for a long sentence. While this happened, I was too "famous" they decided to send me to America as a foreign exchange student. I will be going to the United States in a few days. I should be turning seventeen soon after moving.

Sean Famous McLaughlin


	7. 7

As Mark read this he realised that this was a little over two months ago. He had almost caught up to the current date. He was thumbing through the little diary to see if there was a mention of the date his mother died. The book mentioned the death quite a bit but never the actual date of when she died. 

As he looked through the pages slowly growing more and more worried. He wouldn't know when Jack planned the suicide or even how. The fact that he craved death was very evident in the pages from ages when he was thirteen to the present day. 

Although Mark had growing suspicion that he going to try to die the same his mother did, but he couldn't be sure because what if Jack realized that he would scar the driver and decided not to.  
Mark flipped near to where the writing stopped and began to read. He couldn't. He just couldn't let Jack do this to himself. 

Soon there were tears pooling in Mark's eyes and they overflowed and ran down his cheeks in streams as he was bent of the pages of the journal that documented the torturous life that Jack had somehow managed to survive. Mark could not blame him for wanting to die. He would want it to if he was in Jack's situation. Shutting out the thoughts spiraling in his head he focused on the words on the pages in front of him.


	8. 8

I was jumped outside the school gate when I attempted to make a group of boys at this new school quit kicking another boy who was already unconscious. They soon circled me and took turns striking out at me. I wasn't surprised and managed to dodge quite a few of the blows before I was finally struck in one of the spots that was a favorite of my torturer. That brought me down swiftly. They kicked me, hit me, pulled my hair, and gave me a concussion. They left soon after thinking that they had knocked me out which wasn't the case.

The other kid was still out cold, but there was no fucking way in hell I could carry him. So it took some time for me to stumble back to the Fischbach's house while I fading in and out of consciousness. When I finally arrived I saw Mark and his ma waiting for me. I had to explain what happened. From the other kid being kicked while down to my own beating. Mark looked angry. That was a little frightening, he was usually a pretty laid back guy who was really nice. His mother also looked quite mad as well, but their anger didn't seem directed at me, but rather the group of boys who did this to me. Did I mention how nice the Fischbach family is? They are my image of what a family should be like, not the shit household that I suffered in.

Mark vowed to protect me from the bad stuff in my life, which was sweet, but how can he protect me from my memories and more importantly myself. The memories assault me often the figure above me either hurting me with weapons or with the lustful caresses. How can Mark protect me from my own PTSD, depression, anxiety, and self destructive tendencies. I still really want to the plan is still in motion for my death day to be only twelve years apart from my ma's.

Sean Depressed McLaughlin


	9. 9

Mark read this and remembered that this was just a bit before Matthew Patrick died. Almost everyone regretted what had happened to Matt. It had come to light that he was abused at home and went to the hospital after one of his many bullies pulled the stitches holding a bullet hole closed. Nathan Sharp called the ambulance which took Matt to the hospital where he died soon after. The only ones who felt no guilt were the ones that just hated Matthew Patrick. That didn't make sense since when did Matthew do something to attract the wrath of so many people.

He set out to protect Jack even better after the death of Matt. He tried to be with him every moment he could. Mark really didn't want a repeat of what happened to Matthew. The school really didn't need anymore casualties. It really didn't need any, but this kind of stuff happens. Then very soon after the death of Matt, Daniel Howell tried to commit suicide. He was going to jump off of the school roof, but luckily Phil Lester was there to stop him.

Ever since both of those incidents Mark had been sticking to Jack like fucking glue. There was no way that Jack was going out of his swore protector's sight. The only place that Jack and Mark were separated was during the classes that they didn't share together

There were only a few pages left so Mark decided to push through and read everything that is left.


	10. 10

There was funeral for one Matthew Patrick. He had a somewhat similar life to mine according to the reports. I wish that I had gotten to know him better, but alas, what can I do now, he's dead. It was also reported that the boy who was being kicked the night that I got jumped tried to commit suicide but was saved by his soulmate. They didn't know at the time of the rescue. The boy that I found unconscious was Dan and Phil is the person who saved him.

I really really hope that nobody fucking stops me when I commit suicide. If anyone sees me then they will probably try to stop me. I should probably find a much more discreet place to go about killing myself. It might be hard considering that Mark has stuck to my side like glue. He is really nice and funny. I hope that he gets over my death. This would've been much easier in Ireland. Nobody gave a damn about me so if I died almost nobody would fucking notice. Now that I stay with the Fischbach family there are people to notice my disappearance. I really hope that they don't grieve, or think that there was something they could've done. This has absolutely nothing to do with them I am just going to rid the world of one evil.

What did the world do to deserve the fucking monstrosity that I am. I robbed this world of an amazing woman. It should've been me. I'm just taking care of the trash. I don't mean to demean my ma's sacrifice for me, the world would just be a little bit better without me in it. 

Ma, I hope you visit me in Hell.

Sean "Scum of the Earth" McLaughlin


	11. 11

Dear Mark,

I understand that this might come as a shock but it shouldn't. This is my note. I chose to write to you because of how well you treated me, and chose to be my protector for a couple of weeks. It meant the world to me. This not your fault in any way. Please don't blame yourself. Thank you for everything thing you've ever done for me.

Goodbye, Jack Fischbach.


End file.
